congratulations!

Just a few hours ago I was surprised when my mother hand me her phone. My sister was on the other line asking me to check a website. I thought it was another spam that she received. I got to the website and checked on the links posted. I can’t see her name because I was looking on the wrong link. Yay mali pala! I almost lost hope pero eto na nasa tamang link na ako http://www.prc.gov.ph/uploaded/documents/REB0312se.pdf

It’s confirmed! I was able to see her name now :) I can hear the excitement in her voice as I told her that she passed the Real Estate Broker Licensure Examination. It’s another heart-warming experience for me. When I heard how excited she was for hearing the good news I feel more excited to be her Gabriel. This may be a bit exaggerating but I can’t help to be pleased about this kind of achievement. Congratulations Sis!

Lord thanks for all the blessings you untiringly giving me. Despite of how stubborn I am You still reward me with this answered prayer. Thank you much I really feel so blessed and loved by You :)

hush

"Don't ask. Don't say. Everything lies in silence."

Someone said you should live each day at your best because we don’t know if there will be another day for us to live. But no matter how much we want to live our lives to the fullest there are few things that you have to consider taking one step at a time. Those are the things that answers your what ifs in life. The things that are better left unsaid until perfect timing and chances open its door. Perhaps God has His own way to unravel every riddle. We just have to be trusting and unwavering to His will.

the grunge side of me: naMISS ko lang ^^

This is one of the bands that made me love music much back in college. I can still remember how much penny we spent in staying long hours at the net café just to search for their songs in YouTube. For the past few months I noticed that I’ve been playing melodramatic songs on top of my playlist. Thanks for the jeepney that I rode going home because they played the songs that swayed the grunge side of me. Basket Case, Macy’s day Parade, too bad I need to get off when they played my favorite song “Wake Me Up When September Ends” that I had to end this Green Day travel experience. 

"When I was a kid I thought I wanted all the things that I haven't got. Oh  but I learned the hardest way. Then I realized what it took to tell the difference between THIEVES and CROOKS. A lesson learned to ME and YOU.  

Give me something that I need, satisfaction guaranteed to you. What's the consolation prize? Economy sized dreams of hope... Give me something that I need, satisfaction guaranteed because I'm thinking of a brand new hope. The one I've never known 'cause now I know it's all that I wanted."

si IBYANG

How well do I know my sister? She is someone who speaks out her mind. “Sasabihin nya kung ano pangit sayo” Kung hindi mo alam kung paano dumiskarte well you should meet this person. She’s one of the toughest women I've ever known and I admire her for that. She takes every challenge as an opportunity. She does well in academics and sports in school. She can also be controversial and witful. She is my SISTER! Honestly I hated her when we were young for the reason that she always made me nervous. She’s the horror in my childhood. I was so disgusted to her every time she humiliates me in front of my playfellows when I was still young. “Masama bang maglaro?!” I think “pinaglihi sya sa sama ng loob” She was so inconsiderate, bossy and grumpy! Her attitude really sucks! Back in high school I still wondered why she was like that, I can’t understand until my anger burst and brought us to an argument. I can still remember what she said that moment “bakit sino ba pinagmamalaki mo?” I provoked her to draw out her bitterness.I learned that she somehow lost her childhood helping my parents in every way she can to do a living. I learned how much she cares for our family. She sacrificed a lot; she worked to finance her studies. I realized how immature and lucky I am because of that quarrel. I learned that every pinch and yell she did to us was her own way of showing her love. 

This is one of the pictures that I was able to dig from our photo album XD I miss the time when five of us were still together. Namimiss ko ang pag-to-tong-its naten :( Sayang hindi ko mahanap yung picture na kumpleto tayong lima. Tinamad na ako maghanap antok na ko next time na lang siguro. Happy Birthday sister :)

summer treat:my own way of enjoying the season

Weeh! I never thought that my new haircut will perfectly go well with the hot season. I can say that my friends liked it. My father even praised me about my new look saying “Aba ang ganda mo ngayon ihang ah”. He always calls me “ihang” to show some tenderness. My intention of having my hair cut was not because of being trendy but it is my way to suppress my uncertainties more likely. I normally do something unusual every time I am stressed out; this is one good example. 

I can also be impulsive in buying stuffs that are peachy in my eyes. Like this green espadrille that tempted me to draw a penny out of my wallet. Whoah! It may seem intemperately luxurious but it felt relaxing. 

Since I seldom go out of my cage, I also take advantage of this day-out to look around at the appliance center.  LG! I’m getting closer to having you. Your colorful features make me want to enjoy summer this time by being a couch potato. 

I am still hopeful that our travel plans to Bolinao will push through. I wanna feel the cool breeze of dawn, the touch of heat of the fiery sun at noon, and the comfort of the attention-grabbing dusk. This photo is really enticing. I just don't know when me and my friends can possibly get rid of the conflicts in our schedules. 

Anyway, I have my own way of enjoying every season. Besides I am easily pleased by little things. I can stay all day in my dappled room. Decorated with mint green walls, pink tiles and curtains, and a cozy bed I can lay down even for a whole day XD 

out of the BLUE(s)

Today I experienced some of the “unexpected”. It’s been awhile since I hampered myself in using my desktop to go on-line. I was surprised when I saw my notifications. Someone I adored bygone just accepted my friend request (after 10 years haha). What’s more interesting is that I was able to exchange message with him until I noticed that the shudders I have for him before already defunct. After a chain of talk I said goodbye for I have some errands to do. I promised myself to be dynamic on my week-off so I decided to visit my siblings. I enjoyed my visit to my eldest sister’s home; I ate a lot while watching the movie from a local TV channel. As I enjoyed being hooked by Johnny Depp’s movie, my niece suddenly asked “Tita, nakauwi na ba si Tito ****?” Surprisingly, I was slack-jawed and just pretended I did not hear her. Sagot ko “Ha? Ano yun? “. Inulit naman nya yung tanong nya. Ok just to keep her from asking I answered “Hindi pa”. Indeed kids are really good in remembering people they just once met. Oh! I think they meet him twice. Maybe that’s the reason. In light of this situation, I realized that the more you compel to not think of someone, there are forces around you that will make you think of them. That will make you miss them. This is one good phrase to describe how I felt after my niece asked about him: "I wanna write "I miss you" on a rock and throw it at your face so you know how much it hurts to miss you.”

my new textMATE

I planned to clean my room yesterday but I ended up lying on my bed. The dusted areas of my quarter made me so indolent. Never mind I have two more days to do it anyways XD. I made the day with meeting up with friends I haven’t seen in a long time. I enjoyed the laughs and pranks that we always share whenever we meet up. Another day has passed and I have to get back to my place. I woke up late noon time because of the brandy we drank from last night. Now I’m back to what I tried to deal yesterday; my filthy room. While I was seated on my bed wool-gathering on how to start my general cleaning, I received a text message from my 5-y/o niece.

From: Lindsay 11-Mar-2012 12:35 pm

- Tita Hello

To:  Lindsay 11-Mar-2012 12:36 pm

- Hello din :)

From: Lindsay 11-Mar-2012 12:38 pm

- Ano ginagawa mo

To:  Lindsay 11-Mar-2012 12:39 pm

- Naglilinis po ng kwarto. ikaw?ano ginagawa mo?

From: Lindsay 11-Mar-2012 12:41pm

- Ako nasa kuwarto namin..binilan ako ni nanay ng damit pang graduation.kulay pink maganda

To:  Lindsay 11-Mar-2012 12:44 pm

- Oo nga, sinabi nya nga sa akin. Bagay yan sa sandals mo ah. Subukan kong pumunta dyan mamaya. Ano ginagawa ni mama mo?

From: Lindsay 11-Mar-2012 12:46 pm

- Nandito po sa kuwarto nakahiga.

To:  Lindsay 11-Mar-2012 12:47 pm

- O sige mamaya na lang tayo mag-usap ah. maglilinis muna si tita. Matulog ka muna.

From: Lindsay 11-Mar-2012 12:48pm

- Opo

This exchanged of messages with my niece made me smile today. It changed my mood to willingly finish my cleaning so I can pay her a visit. This is one of the most priceless gifts I have in life. My nieces and nephews, who are so cute and cuddly in so many ways. Sometimes I feel so guilty if I am unable to pay them a visit during my week off for the reason of being so sluggish. I may not have my own kid yet for the fact that I am single but having them makes me feel complete somehow. 

This is how importunate she is when she talks about what she thinks.

something to back me up: a letter to mySELF

Dear Self,
For the past 12mos, you experienced a lot of struggles in life. The things that made you strong, brave and hopeful. There were times that you almost lost your faith to God but you were able to find your way back. You've always been so generous for you can always give what you have and find ways to give what you have not. I know that you are wishing for something that is not yet possible, maybe never. But try to enjoy the things around you while you wait for that chance to happen. Enjoy life to the fullest! Keep safe. I know you will because you have God with you. Your kindest heart is your weapon to face the struggles that you have in life. Continue showing your good heart to others no matter how they respond to it. Always cherish the good memories that you have with friends, family and special someone. And learn from the worst experience that happened into your life. So the next time you face the same scene, you know how to handle it. Continue to fight for what you believe in but always remember to surrender if you need to. Be happy and put a smile in every little thing that you do. Always take care of yourself and your heart most especially. I'm looking forward for a better YOU :) May this year be more colorful and joyful to you.

Always be MJ

It has been only three months since this year has started but it seems that I have struggled a lot. It really makes sense when you keep track on what you have been through. Because by this means you will be able to know how strong you have been. This “letter to myself” that I wrote on my journal as the year started made me think of it. Aha! Indeed time passes so swiftly for you to realize that you have been stronger than ever. Depressing moments will show you what real happiness and joy is. It is always hidden in your thoughts because you think too much of the non-sense or let us just say the unnecessary. I remember someone told me “Life is what you make.” That person makes me draw the best out of me by his words that are sometimes stabbing me so deep because of the reality. I so missed him. Life is really mysterious; you won’t know what may happen next. This year may have started challenging that I almost felt so weak but I think it is too soon to give up. There are still a couple of counting months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds that I have to go through. So keep pushing Mary!

i was terrified

Song MEANING: 

its more about holding back, confused to love but wanted to. 

I am terrified. Its about falling in love and being sure that it will be the "first and last" time. The person is terrified ofthe feeling because she doesn't know what to do. "you set it again, my heart's in motion" is what the person feels everytime she talks to the love of her life."watching the shadows burning in the dark", all her problems turn to dust everytime she sees her love. "Nothing's worse than you holding back" nothing could go wrong as long as he doesn't hold back his feelings for her. She finally came out to show her love and is terrified of whatevr's going to happen. " So don't you doubt what I've been dreaming", the guy maybe doubting her of what she told, he doesn't trust her that much but she tells that sheonly " mean 'cause it's true." I'm terrified myself.:D JDEG

This song, I can say is one of the OST of my own movie (MY Life). It keeps playing along with my current episode. It just happened that when I was so gloomy about the person I am desperate to know well, someone unexpectedly caught my attention and I was given a chance to get his heed too.  At first he showed interests and efforts in getting to know me more that it made me assume”he likes me!” We exchanged laughs, petty quarrels, falling out, and days of understanding, still counting. I always wonder how he altered my emotions from the last guy I cried for (well I can still think of him but I feel no shudders anymore); maybe he is just too good enough in making me feel special in a way that I wouldn’t have any self-interest towards him. But I admit at some time I desired to be his girl. For the first time, I fell in love. I learned many things from him; patience, respect, appreciation, living life to the fullest, consideration, to sacrifice, and acceptance. He made me a better person somehow; I learn how far I can go for love’s sake. I discover so many things about me; I was able to know myself better. I fell in love for what he has done for me. His efforts every time he drops by at the office off to and from work. For his patience in waiting every time we meet up. By the countless times that he called me just to hear my voice and to wake me up every day for my shift. By the way he stares at me whenever we get closer. By the way he watch my gestures whenever we are together especially when we watched movies. By the way he paid attention with every details of my humanity. By the way he considers and understands my mood swings. I became weak whenever he shows his tenderness. By the way he sends his felicitation when he has gone far away. For every penny he spent in calling from overseas that is really undeniably making me fall for him. But I held back for the reason that I discovered something to oppose my emotions; I really felt that the feeling is mutual but the timing was very unbecoming. I discover something that he may not tell directly but his actions made me confirm what the real deal is (it is more of reading between the lines). I can’t blame him from keeping things from me. I understand that not at all times a friend would tell you every single detail of his being especially if you started from showing your desires for each other. I forgive him the way I forgive myself ‘coz both of us are sinners XD

I admit I’m in Love but I am terrified for so many reasons. For the reason that "what we are now" may change; that I may get rejected; I may not be able to converse with him liberally; that we may feel queer with each other. And if worse comes to worst I may lose a friend so dearly close to my heart.

This song may probably one of the songs I will hear whenever  I think of him until I move forward to the next episode of my life. Right now I can only tell that I am in love for the first time unreservedly, still waiting for that chance to have my very last.