A year to count: Happy New Year!

This year, I may have lots of ups and downs but no matter how bitter 2012 made me there are still things that made this year worth living. There maybe pages in this entire year I left blank but that doesn't mean life is empty. Maybe I had too much to say that I leave everything unspoken. Someone told me "Count your blessings not the missing" So here it is let me count the blessings I have:

♥ I have my work to support me and my family financially.
♥ A home sweet home I won't bargain to any place near my work no matter how tiring it takes to travel back and forth.
♥ My parents who love, understand, and support me no matter how hard-headed I am
♥ My siblings for doing me a favor every time I ask
♥ Loving nieces and nephews despite their annoying kakulitan
♥ My friends who are willing to listen, isang tawag ko lang andyan na nanginginig pa
♥ My pet Yumi, though I rarely let her in my room. I love the way she wags her tail every time I come home.
♥ My gadgets??? Ahahaha
♥ My books though it takes a lot of courage to stay awake facing the pages of it :D
♥ The dishes my brother cooks, making me hungry just by looking at it
♥ The tawa moments I have with my mother every morning
♥ Another birthday celebration, spent with loved ones at home, at work, and someone across the miles :P
♥ Celebrated my 5 years in IBM with a rewarding experience of being one of the Top Talents in 2012. I think I will consider a promotion this time.
♥ For surviving Habagat
♥ For every wishes granted this year. Gigantic or even the smallest things I whisper to the Lord. Thank you
♥ That someone who recently makes me smile everyday ^_^
♥ For every awful moment that turned delightful by His grace

These are some of the blessings that highlights this year. One big reason to be thankful and move forward to the coming year/s. Lord, thank you for all the blessings you've given me. I know, I am not your most dutiful child and I sometimes take your blessings for granted. Thank you for those times that you made me happy and for the people you allow to join me this year. For those who stayed and had to go, thank you. 2013 be nice and I'll be nicer ahahaha. Happy New Year everyone. Count your blessings not the missing. If there's nothing to count, make yourself one :)

With these bountiful blessings, it is such a shame if I don't have something to give in return. So this year, I will manage to improve the things that I can, little by little (just being honest). Life is not a lottery prize that you can win instantly.

♥ Minimize my tardiness at work or any meet ups that I compromised.
♥ Have more time with my family.
♥ Have more conversations with my parents
♥ More bonding moments with my siblings
♥ More playtime with my nieces and nephews
♥ Catch up with friends that I took for granted :D (For those who stayed I'll make it up to you, for those who become distant I'm really sorry, hope I can still make it up to you)
♥ Sleep well
♥ Live a healthy life, though I cant promise to break my bad habits I'll do my best!
♥ Be less emotional
♥ Drink lots of water
♥ Be more heartful

A NEW YEAR'S EVE RITUAL

(something to share)

Many ancient cultures believe in the magic of New Year's Eve to cleanse yourself of anything from the old year that you don't wish to take into the coming one. Be it fears or regrets, heartache or painful memories, ill-health or bad habits, this is the time you can leave the past behind and move, unburdened, into the future.

First light a fire. Then take a piece of paper and write a list, or use pictures, or some other symbol to represent the things you want to be rid of and, at the stroke of midnight, throw them into the flames.

As they burn away, sparks will well and truly fly. So make a wish. Because it will be carried on these sparks, sending your hopes and dreams out to the universe, to be blown by the wind, into the New Year. . .

Above all, it is FANTASTIC!

What an outstanding stage perfectly designed for Bruno Mars' performance. I can't find any words than awesome, amazing, spectacular, etc to define this performance  Above all, it is FANTASTIC!


Kudos to the staff and crews of the X Factor who made the stage perfect!


Forgive me for this quote:

The stage wont be perfect as it is without considering the performer.

At home: each day is a blessing

Traveling long hours everyday can be so tiring and time consuming. But just by seeing my family makes the travel worth spending that I rather tire myself going back and forth. Though it makes me spend more time in sleeping, every moment spent when I'm awake is priceless (moments that I call precious) Just this morning I had another tawa moment with my parents. Another scene/s I can add to my laugh stories at home.

Morning chika with my mother. . .

Nanay: Ah, masarap pala talaga lagyan ng luya yung tilapya pag iniihaw. Nawawala yung lansa.
Me: Sino nagsabi?
Nanay: Ako, 'di ba kakasabi ko lang.
(@_@)

Eksena with my father. . .

Mumbling while going in circles preparing for work suddenly noticed the bonsai on the dining table

Tatay: Oh! Mukhang di nyo na masyadong dinidiligan tong halaman na to ah
Me: San galing yang bonsai na yan 'tay?

He answered half-smiling and with kilig I guess

Tatay: Regalo ko sa nanay mo. Mahilig sya sa halaman eh.

Having these short conversations with my parents are one of the valuable things I enjoy staying at home. I seldom see my father because of my schedule so I always take advantage of the chances that I see him. I had a busy schedule this weekend, a reason for us not to meet. Team building on Saturday and attended a Birthday Party on Sunday. Good thing I didn't sleep yet after attending "Simbang Gabi" so I got the chance to chat with him while he was preparing for work. Lucky me!

:)

The Red String of Fate

There’s an old story in Chinese folklore about a magical connection between two people that are destined to be soul mates, called ‘the red string of fate’. The two people connected by the red thread are destined lovers, regardless of time, place, or circumstance. This magical cord may stretch or tangle, but never break. This myth is similar to the Western concept of soul-mates.

Do you ever wonder who is tied to the end of your thread?

- from Lesson Learned in Life 

Someone asked “What was the craziest thing you did for love?” Actually, I did a lot of crazy things but I don’t really think that I did it for someone I love, maybe someone very special. Someone who suddenly influenced and changed my views about being single. It is true that when you meet someone who ignites a spark in your heart you’ll do things you never thought you could. And I confess, I did things (crazy things) for that very special someone. 

But things has changed, both of us changed! Though I am still uncertain to what brought us to this situation, I know there is a big reason why happy ending isn't visible at the moment. It could be that it hasn't ended yet or we never really started a story more than "friends", and it was just all in my imagination that let him hold a big space in my heart for a long time. Probably the reason why I never glance to anyone, but as time goes by I learned how to get used of his absence. And I am now enjoying the thought of being happy even without him. Happiness comes when you let go of the thoughts that make you sad and opening your heart into something else. 

I feel really blessed now because someone just arrived (well not really) but he makes me feel tickled pink every time I see him or whenever I get a chance to have a conversation with him. I guess it all started when he suddenly appeared in my dream out of the blue. What the heck? How come? That was my reaction when I woke up from that dream initially until I get to know him each day. And just this night I dreamed of him again after two months or so, this time I whispered "I wish it was true." contradicting my initial reaction from the first dream I had about him.

Is he bound to replace someone else's throne in my castle? Or he is just part of the detours I'm about to take as I walk through finding that someone who is tied at the end of my thread? Who knows? There is SOMEONE up there who has the answer ^_^

Dynamic Weekend: Weeeeeeh!

Weekend is one of my most awaited days of the week apart from holidays. Because on these days I am able to rest my mind from some of the stresses I have at work and I can spend time at home :) Oftentimes I've been spending my weekend from sleeping to death allowing myself laid-back on bed which is not really productive. I always tell my office mates to enjoy their weekend before I went off from work but I myself only enjoyed it sleeping slashing a day from my two-day supposedly weekend. But this time since I luckily have a fixed weekend off I want to have my weekend more dynamic from now on. I started last Saturday actually. Though I went off from work past two hours of my scheduled time off (which I usually do) I refused myself from lying on my bed and started doing my weekly room-cleaning. I changed my bed sheet, pillow covers, curtains, etc. I also did the laundry, play with nephew Carl, I did everything to keep my bed from inviting me to lie down. After I set up my desktop I continued watching my favorite teleseries online :) weeeeh buti na lang may napaglilibangan ako to keep me awake. I also tried doing my sketch as gift to my friend but my creative hands and mind don't meet. After doing those things I allow myself to lie down at roughly 5 PM for a bit but I ended up sleeping and woke up past 10 PM. I guess that's just enough I also need to give myself some good rest from completing my chores :D

I tried checking my FB profile sent replies to messages I overlooked and get back to sleep. Woke up at 4am and there goes my awake body again. Continued watching my fave teleseries Be Careful With My Heart when my mother asked me to look over her store 'coz they will attend an early morning mass. Spent time downstairs brought my tabbie with me to hopefully watch the other episodes but I can't make it work because I don't have a Flash player installed to make online streaming videos work so sad :( pero okay lang inulit ko na lang yung Pilot episode sa Youtube. When my mother finally got home, now it's my turn I want to go to the church early (not so early though but early 'coz I usually attend the evening mass before) Details of this was already posted on my previous post. Then I spent some me-time for two hours went back home, rest a bit and prepared to take off to meet up my office mates/friends. When I was waiting for ride my father saw me and he insisted to send me to our meeting place hehe though ayoko sya paguring ihatid ako okay na din at least makakarating ako ng mabilis dun. Salamat Tatay :)

There we go, spent time singing the songs from the playlists while we drink and eat. Ahahaha parang concert namin ni Regina because we mostly sang the songs on queue. Madaya kase mga kasama namin eh until they finally took their turns out of booze. Iba rin talaga ang nagagawa ng alak Ahahaha. Because of that, the couch invited me to take a nap that made me feel dizzy and drunk. I went to the bathroom a couple of times just to throw up which made me sober up a bit. After spending four hours at the Videoke Bar they decided to spend some time at Starbucks Coffee in Metrowalk to cool us down from being drunk. I really enjoyed the night, that was the first time I saw Joben so drunk :D hehehe ganun pala sya malasing nagi-EOP? They let me smoke and drink hot coffee because I really don't feel well they even told me to stay at Rej's place to rest before going home but I insisted. I know how much I can handle, I know myself. They were worried and reminded me a couple of times to text them once I reached home. Oo na nga paulet-ulet? Hahahaha I can't blame them they are my friends. We had to end the night since there is nothing else to do, all of us are worn out especially Imee for taking care of us (the babies). I texted them right away when I reached home.

 

This is one of the things that made my weekend dynamic; playtime with my nephew Carl :)

On this day of your life, Mj, we believe God wants you to know ... that it's okay to receive.
Have you been the giver for so long that you have forgotten how to receive?
Allow others to give you some of the love that you give so freely. Seek a balance between your giving and your receiving.

I received a lot of love and care on my weekend from friends, family, and someone from somewhere :) The thought that you are remembered is one great thing to consider :)

Spending time ALONE :)

October 14, 2012

 

I was able to spend time for myself. Went early to the church and attended a mass after praying at the chapel. Lit three candles for every prayer I have as I try to feel how golden silence can become. This one thought has always been the subject of my date with God:

"Only in silence you can hear God speak to you. Only in silence can a real prayer, a heart prayer be born. Next time you start chattering, stop and feel into the silence, feel its shape, its texture, and then slowly and silently say only what really has to be said."

I admit that in silence, apart from my family and friends there is always one person I pray for.

After spending two hours of serenity at the church, I decided to give myself a treat. It's been awhile since I spent time and money for myself so I guess it's not bad to give myself some great comfort in buying a pair of shoes, new jeans, and clothes :D It's a good thing that I went out during payday because I was able to enjoy a bunch of discounts and sales. Instead of one for each item I initially planned to buy, I got two pairs of shoes (buy one take one :P), two jeans that perfectly fit me (50% off its original price), and two tops (20% off its original price) I love SALE! Buying these stuffs are not really considered as just a luxury because I really need to buy new clothes and pants these days. Since I lost weight and turned skinny most of my old goodies don't fit well anymore. 

Having this opportunity to spend time with myself alone is one of the rare things I am grateful to experience. You only have to think of yourself and you don't have to consider anyone to decide where you want to go, what you want to do, and how much you would spend :)) Though this me-time was spent for just an hour or two I really enjoyed it. Just because you are alone doesn't mean you won't be happy. Sometimes you will feel that you're the happiest having this kind of treat. I guess I can consider this as one way of loving and knowing myself more. By the way, my perks are inviting me to join them later tonight. I guess I had enough of knowing myself for today I want my weekend to be more dynamic so sige pagbigyan na though I have to travel miles to be with them I want to make it up to them because the last times that they invited me I always had an excuse.

smiles over weeps

Just adding a new color on my blog :)

Today I got the chance to glance on my secret blog (a blog that I created to draw out my hidden thoughts and desires) and read through the posts I scheduled for keeps. Those were actually not just a blog post out of my random thoughts but my saved convesations with someone very special. I remebered how it made me cry while compiling the zany, teen-age like, bitter sweet conversations we had. I missed that person that much so I hampered myself from writing those memories to keep me from weeping. Today, yes today as I read through every captured word written I noticed myself smiling. Though things have gone totally different compared to how we were since the day we started, at least now I can say that only smiles are painted on my face while reading those conversations that made me really happy. No more weeps of sadness, I admit I keep on missing him (I always do) but this time I just tell myself "All is well" and believe that it is all well. It doesn't solve the problem though, but I gain more courage to face it with the help of someone who watches from up ABOVE.

Happy Birthday to Me :) (A 4-day birthday celebration)

1st day, September 14, 2012: “Guys I have Krispy Kreme here, please get your share.”

Uncertain while on my way to work: Should I give them a dutch treat? (good thought) Yes! You got a high salary today so maybe it’s not bad to share. (evil thoughts) No! It will just ruin your saving plans. Just because it’s your upcoming birthday doesn’t mean that you have to give a treat besides who are they? Ahahaha when I saw the Krispy Kreme Store downstairs I made my decision so I asked my dude if he can come with me in buying 2 dozens of donuts. I bribed him with cookies and cream shake for doing me a big favor in carrying the boxes upstairs. I put the boxes on my desk and started to send messages to my FO family. “Guys I have Krispy Kreme here, please get your share.” With all those smiles and messages that I got from my FO family, the money I spent for the donuts was returned hundred times of its cost. Thank you my FO family :)

“Dahil birthday mo ngayon mag-AUX 3 ka muna” :D

2nd day, September 15, 2012: “Surprise Nathy”

Before I went off from work I discussed my surprise project with my accomplice, pareng Mark. Since we can’t find any flower shop near our meeting place I had to drop by at Farmer’s Market where I can buy fresh flowers. I can’t choose, there are a lot of ready-made bouquets around. But I saw one that caught my attention. I asked the merchant if I can take a look of the bouquet. When I held the bouquet parang kulang???

“Ate lahat po bang flowers na meron kau nandito na sa bouquet na to?”

“Ay, hindi lahat kase depende yun sa arrangement.”

“Ay ganun, pero pwede po ba padagdagan ng flowers tong bouquet na to?”

“Pwede naman kaso magdagdag ka ng bayad.”

“Ah sige, Okay lang po ate idagdag nyo po jan lahat ng flowers na meron kayo. Pasensya na po sa abala.”

They rearranged the flowers as I requested :) When they handed me the flowers I felt Uh-oh how will I carry this? Ang bigat pala nito, request request pa kase ako eh. Anyway, for Nathy’s sake Aja! I took another taxi on the way to our meeting place. I realized I was awake more than 24 hours a reason for me to fell asleep buti nalang mabait si Manong driver. I ate some of the donuts left from my treat and gave some to Manong. I insisted when he hesitated “Ay maraming salamat ah” “Sure po walang problema :).” I was the first to arrive at our meeting place and I really feel sleepy. We had to tell Nathy about our surprise because she couldn’t come. When she heard the reason why we asked her for a meet up, she rushed to our meeting place and found a way to pass through the flash flood. It was an exhausting rainy morning for us. Na-stress ako sa paghihintay, na-stress si pareng Mark kay Nathy, at na-stress si Nathy kung paano iiwasan ang baha even Jam who coincidentally met us was also stressed of no sleep. Lahat kame na-stress pero MASAYA sobra. I was supposed to attend a reunion but I was too exhausted so I decided to take a day off.

3rd day, September 16, 2012: Pre-birthday Celebration

I woke up past 2am out of exhaustion when I saw an SMS that really made me smile :) Yey! I think one of my birthday wishes was granted. Though I’m not sure if I’ll receive a response I sent a reply via email and I got a response *wink. Enough of these smiles Mary but I just can’t help it. Okay let me find something to get busy with until dawn. Tried searching for PDF file of the books I want to read until I gave up. Found this good movie from my downloads “What to Expect When You’re Expecting” and watched it instead. I didn’t notice maliwanag na pala. My mother knocked at my door. “Yes?” “Ngayon daw tayo magcelebrate ng birthday mo. Itext mo na sila, sabihin mo dito na mananghalian. Cancelled daw ang pasok ng tatay mo?””Ah ok.”  Grin. I started cleaning my room while they are busy preparing the dishes for my birthday celebration. While busy cleaning my room, another knock disturbed me. I saw my father with grapes on his hands and gave it to me. “Oh regalo ko sayo. Happy Birthday.” “yiii salamat :)” When he was walking away I suddenly asked him “Tay, bakit grapes?” (my childish curiosity) “Eh para lumakas ang katawan mo”  Enough said. My brother prepared roasted chicken, grilled pork, inihaw na bangus, Sinigang na baboy, and Pancit (for long life) ahahaha. Ang sarap kumain lalo na pag kumpleto kame though jam-packed nanaman ang aming mumunting tahanan. My uncle also visited and we were laughing the whole time. After every celebration comes my dilemma; cleaning up the mess but this time with a smile. I ended up the day talking with someone I admit so special :) We talked until that day hops to a new date, my birthday.

4th day, September 17, 2012: My day!

From 12am I started receiving messages from my FB wall :) Ayan na simula na ng paglike at pagrespond sa mga birthday greetings. Nakakapagod din pala sya pero isa to sa mga pagod na mapapaSMILE ka talaga. Since we already celebrated my birthday yesterday ngayon I maybe too busy browsing the net for something I would give myself. I’ve been thinking of what gift should I get from me. I actually want to buy a galaxy tablet preferably SAMSUNG Galaxy tab 8.9. This is what I have to do today, to buy a gift for my own. I went to the store with my mother and looked for the thingy but I just got disappointed wala silang ganung stock. Phase out?? I was having this cravings and I’m getting more frustrated if I can’t have it. Okay, relax Mer relax. I just decided to pre-order a wedding cake for my sister.  I found a stand of fish balls on the way. My cravings were lessen a bit. Okay! Kalimutan muna ang frustration and choose a cake. Busy mind really helps forgetting the frustration. I was able to think about of “a gift for my own” more considerately. I’m done picking the wedding cake which is not too expensive :D I can push through with my saving plans yey! :) And good news is that my on-line savings application for BPI was confirmed and the ATM kit is ready for pick-up. Another check mark on my TO-DO list.

My own day may have turned a bit frustrating but I was able to find ways in taking it easy. I played with my nephew so cute at madaldal na. I noticed that one of his canines is growing buti nalang hindi sya nilalagnat or nagtatae while it grows. I also watched another movie from my download lists folder “He Was Cool”. When I went downstairs I asked my brother what he is up to for dinner. He said “Handa mo, birthday mo ngayon di ba?” another smile painted on me thoughtful talaga ang kuya ko. He cooked a dish for me. Ang sarap nanamang kumain! I went back to my room to sleep my worry away. Woke up past my birthday and continue liking and responding the birthday greetings. And now I’m writing, a long story again; the story of my happiness, a bit of sadness, and my own way on how to celebrate every day that comes ahead.

Thank you Lord for everything; for the happiness, for every awful situation I was able to handle, and for all the people that makes my life filled with joy, laughter, sadness, satisfaction, and contentment. You blessed me not with everything I want but much more of what I need. Thank you for the last 25 years of experience and for another year you added I am too excited and looking forward of what may happen. Salamat po sa gift (the birthday wish you granted) at sa lahat ng wishes pa. Thank you sa lahat ng bumati sa akin through Wall post, blog post, text messages, PMs, voice calls, YM, at bumati ng personal. Sa mga hindi pa bumabati pwede pa kayung humabol :)

Random thoughts

This song pinches the heart of someone who listens to it. Fact, you can let someone stay in your heart but not in your life. You may never learn how to stop loving someone, you’ll just learn to live without them. Sad truth L

Victorio Gonzaga Avila, the best man in my life.

Victorio Gonzaga Avila, a loving husband, a father of five, and a daddy to his grandchildren. He is the best man in my life.

He is not a degree holder, didn’t even finished elementary due to indigence, but he was able to raise five kids with all his might provided food, shelter, clothing, education, and incomparable values.

He is sometimes too annoying when he acts like Mr. Fix-it, when he loudly turns on the radio volume in listening to his oldies music, when he asks a question more than twice, and when he cares too much.

He is my father, a father who is very considerate, stoic, and forgiving. He is someone who can sacrifice his wants to help others and to give his family enough luxury. I remembered the time when I was in my worst condition because of life’s effing misery without even considering how much it would hurt him he listened. To my surprise he didn’t even take offense towards the situation and he gave me his tightest hug and encouraging words to make me feel better. In that moment, I realized that at this age I am still a cry baby in the arms of my father. That instance made me more optimistic, considerate, and hopeful.

I asked him “Tay, pasaway ba ako?” He answered “Hmmm, alam ko namang mabait ka eh.” Ahahaha though he did not answer my question straight I know I am pasaway.

Tay, I know I’ve been so inconsiderate of how you may feel about my hurting but that instance made me stronger because of your everlasting love and understanding. That instance will actually help me if you reached your retirement and settle in the province with nanay. I will always remember the things that you keep on reminding me. I may not always show you how much I love you but since today marks the date you existed on earth 57 years ago let me tell everyone how proud I am to be one of your kids. Happy Birthday Tatay! 

Bawal magmukmok! SMILE :)

Because I don’t want to waste my week off and I started my day with much happiness. I listed my TO DO’s to manage my time well.

Clean my room – done!
Ayusin si CPU - finally I made my desktop work (syempre nag-ala technician nanaman ako).
Write the gospels for the week – wrote some
Bathe Yumi – bukas na lang
Visit my sister – I still have another day.
Sketch – my hands are not in the mood :P
Update my journal – have to rest muna.
Read book – pag di ako makatulog siguro hahaha
Magsulat muli – eto na!
Magthank you ng madameng madameng beses ka Lord :) – buong araw kong ginawa to

Sa isang buong araw marami kang magagawa. Kaya lahat ng posible gawin mo. Minsan nga kahit imposible magagawa mo din. Just like my experience this morning. Dahil sobrang bad mood ako when I misplaced my SIM somewhere, I went back to the place (Hanston Square building) where I dropped it maybe :)) First, I went to the smoking area. Urgh, Fail! Wala, at the back of my head maybe the street sweepers already swept it. Okay! But let me try another place, went up to 8^th floor and scanned the lobby area. Another failure! Last chance sa pantry... I pretended like I was trying to rest for awhile while scanning the floor around the sofa where I sat that Friday morning. Sigh. Wala din :( I leaned for a moment then tried my last hope. Kapa kapa sa corner ng sofa then whola! Yey there it is :) Buti na lang nagsumiksik ang SIM ko sa gilid ng sofa sobrang happy. My bad mood suddenly changed to an absolute happiness. Even DM Cris noticed it by saying “MJ, you looked so happy today” when I saw him at the lobby. Since I found what I’m looking for I rushed to get home. Hindi maalis ang ngiti ko habang naglalakad papuntang terminal ng bus when I bumped with an old man asking for penny, pamasahe daw. I initially passed him by pero teka I paused for awhile turned back and looked for Manong. Ambilis naman nya nawala. Lingon, lingon. Ayun! Nang malapitan ko si Manong I asked him “Manong! Saan ka ba umuuwi?” sabi nya sa Guadalupe. Earlier I heard he asked for 2 bucks, I gave him 20 instead I grabbed the cookies inside my bag and gave it to him. “Oh Manong have some pang-almusal :) I walked away with a hope na sana makauwi ka na Manong.

When I was sharing my rants about my frustration in getting back my SIM I feel so lucky to hear some encouraging words from my friends. “You misplaced it for a reason” “Yaan mo na yung mga messages for keeps mo na nandun malay mo mangyari na in reality hahaha” 

But this emoticon from Salubong gave me the brightest smile. With a side note “oh ayan para di ka na mainis” ahahaha natawa talaga ako. Salamat Salubong.

I still have a lot of “WANTS” in my day. Well, probably that's part of the human nature. But I should say that I’m getting what I NEED from the simple things which give me a reason to smile :) I guess I will get back to writing :? Happy Birthday Mama Mary

my graveyard shift at home

Since I had enough rest yesterday afternoon I volunteered to be the lookout and let them rest for the night. Sleep tight! It’s my turn. During my turn, I tried to find ways to keep me awake browsed the net, played games on-line and downloaded movies that I initially planned to watch this weekend but I was enticed to watch it last night instead. Anyway I had a lot of A-listed movies on my notepad. My overnight movie marathon started with the 3idiots, an Indian comedy film about passion, friendship, and love. This film moved me with laughter and tears. I was touched, really touched.

Oops! Time to check! Whoa! The water level was up to knee-deep in just an hour? Sigh. I had to go down stairs to check if there’s anything that should be lifted up. Wow! All is well (Rancho's influence) so I got back to my room.

Next on my list was the  Bangkok Traffic Love Story , a Thai romantic-comedy film about a woman feeling desperate being single at her age while all her friends already got married. This film made me fall in love again with LOVE itself. Regardless of how young or old, how many or less, etc those are just numbers. Someone will come to meet or find you. That’s love :) Two movies in a row I guess I’ll be saving the others for the weekend.

I didn’t notice the time, it’s already morning. Our elder neighbors (Tiya Remy and Nanay Elena) who had to sleepover at our place were awake early. Good morning :) They entered my room and humbly said excuse to get some of their stuffs. Tiya Remy offered me some hopia  “Mer Oh! Almusal” (me: smiling and a bit shy) “Sige po” My mother cooked noodles in favor of my request hihi and we shared it together (ako, si Tatay ko, si Nanay ko, si Tiya Remy, at si Manang Elena).

With this I should say that the best tasting noodles is the one shared not only with your family but with your neighbors too :) 

too Heavy

Before I went off from work last Tuesday, I was worried on how I’ll be able to go home since most of the roads are impassable. I was lucky enough that morning that I was able to get a ride though the roads were already flooded. This was the first time I went home seeing that kind of scene. People wander on the road, racing to get a ride that will take them to their respective places. There was not even a typhoon forecasted but most of the news was about the southwest monsoon’s tyranny which caused flash flood to different places in the metro. I even had to stay at my sister’s place for a day, not able to report to work, and can’t even go home. I watched TV all night as the heavy rain continued pouring. Momentarily, I kept on texting my siblings to ask how things were going at home because the last time I checked the water inside our house was a waist-deep. Good thing the heavy rain finally tamed. The floods subside and I can finally go home. Though the southwest monsoon brought a very disturbing experience to many, I am still grateful that no one’s hurt in my family, friends, and colleagues. And I would like to thank the people who showed their concern in sending their text messages. I was happy to know that even if we are also affected by flash flood I was able to offer my room to the people who have nowhere else to stay. I hastily said yes when my brother told me that two of our elder neighbors will sleep in my room :) I guess this is something I can offer to thank God for keeping us safe always and for all the blessings I have. I pray for the people who lost their shelter and loved ones. If there is any way I can do to help I'll be more willing to offer what I can give.

As I browsed the web from a day of being idle I found this page that makes me really proud pinoy! #bangonPlilpinas a heartwarming trending tweets to encourage us during tough times :) This trending made me admire BrunoMars even more.

friends for keeps

- re-posted photo from a friend's FB Wall.

no need to FUSS: i'll WAIT

"Life is very short and there's no time, for fussing and fighting my friend. I have always thought that it's a crime, so I will ask you once again: try to see it my way, only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong. While you see it your way, there's a chance that we might fall apart before too long. We can work it out."

A message to myself: the more you are eager to keep someone close to you, the more you push them away. Don't rush, things will happen the way it should be. There may be times when it seems that chances slip away. If it does, so be it! If chances  are still open, then never let it pass and think on how you make those chances worth taking. Just take it slowly. If things don't work the way you want it to be, it doesn't mean that it is not meant to happen. It is rather, better things are YET to come closer, eventually. Just be more patient. In time you'll see that everything happens for a reason.

in MY Treasure Box

This simple paint brush draws a lot of memories in my life. This may not be the typical brush used by a painter for a landscape exhibit but this one is so special because it brings back the old good times. I remembered I even got mad with my brother when he used it to paint our walls without asking my permission.  I really don’t care if someone uses my things with no permission, I rarely get mad for such a lame reason but this time I did. Kainis! Bawal gamitin to! Ako lang pwede gumamit nito! Para sa Computer ko to! Though I was so upset with my brother I let it pass; besides he doesn’t know the reason why. I just value this thing that much. Anyways I was able to wash the paint out the bristles and blew it dry. And this time I’ll be more kempt of this valuable thing for I value the person behind it.

zen me ban (what to do?)

I just can't contain the feeling every time I hear this song. It relaxes me, so cute :)

This is what happens when you watch too much of Taiwanese TV Series.

always smile :)

Be with Me, Always ♥

On this day of your life, Mj, we believe God wants you to know ... that you are beautiful.

Even when you feel ugly or depressed or guilty or ashamed, there is an inner spark in you which is light. This light is your beauty. This light is your reflection of God. You are a child of God, thus you are beautiful.

Lord, please be with me with everything I do. Let your eyes be my sight to see the beauty of life despite all the sorrows it brings. Let your ears be my hearing to listen more sincerely. Be my tongue so I can speak the words I need to say without stabbing anyone. Let your intellect fill my thoughts so I can make the right decision with every uncertainty I may face.  Stay in my heart always and lit the light I have within me so I can illuminate to the people surrounding me. Show the brightest inner spark I have to someone who is buried in the shadows of darkness.  I may not be your most dutiful child but I promise to show my kindest heart to people who need further understanding. Lead me to the right path but let me learn from the detours I will pass. Your almighty I humble myself to welcome you and nest you in my heart, in my life always. Thank you for your glorious kindness and generosity.

Something I expected yet was astounded with fright

If you can read between the lines you'll understand what I am going through.

Last day (July 6, 2012): Goodbye Hanston Square, goodbye United

It was July 7, 2011 when I first stepped my foot on the 25-storey Grade A building of Hanston Square.  When we did test calls while the Technical Team was setting up the system for IBM’s upcoming movement. I had so much fun and excitement when I first saw how our production floor looks like. Walls painted in white and blue, a wide tinted glass window, wide work stations with cream colored desk parted by mint green and gray divisions, and a very nice ceiling.

I will surely miss this place. I will miss the ballet studio like pantry, the nurse station, yung elevator na sobrang bagal (yung tipong pag running late ka na eh nananadya pa), yung locker room, restroom, yung kubo, parking area, smoking area, yung mahabang lakad mula EDSA papunta sa building.

I may sound too exaggerating to feel so sad about leaving this place. But there are things that you can’t help to miss especially if you had memories (good or bad) that make your work life gratifying. Actually, it is not just the place that I will miss but the people. Yung mga taong nakakasalubong mo na magsasabi ng hello, babatiin ka, makikipagkwentuhan sayo habang nagmamabagal ang elevator. Yung mga nurses na sobrang friendly, yung mga co-workers mo na kahit hindi ka kilala personally ngingitian ka, yung mga Managers, Service Director, Quality Analyst, TSE, maintenance, guard, at agents na kahit sobrang busy uunahan ka pa sa pagbati. I just feel overwhelmed in this place.

From the first day till the end I enjoyed every second I have in Hanston Square because I had a lot of memories cherished here. I’ve seen people (friends mostly) who had to leave from this place, I never thought that I would have to do the same. Now I know how it feels to leave. Goodbye Hanston Square, goodbye United.

Life is life

In life full of struggles and challenges, you have to find something to keep you going.

Your life is a gift. Accept it. No matter how screwed up or painful it seems to be. Some things are going to work out as if they were destined to happen. As if they were just meant to be. (a quote from Grey's Anatomy)

Music inspires me, just how this one does.

my own doctor

Dr. Samuel Olfindo and Ciara's conversation, from In Your Eyes movie (2010)

FIRST PART

What if you want something but to get what you want, you'll hurt someone. Do you follow your heart's desire or you'll sacrifice so you could do what you think is right? 

For me, I'll always go for what is right. 

Though you know that you will never be happy? 

Doing what is right always make me feel happy.

One day when you fall in love, you will know that in loving, there's no hard and fast rules, and at the end of the day, what's important is what will make you happy. 

SECOND PART

I know it’s painful, if you think you can escape what you feel, you’re wrong. At the end of the day, it’s what makes you happy that really matters.

I can never be happy hurting someone.

You already did hurt someone.

She doesn’t know yet so I can still straighten up the mistakes, right?

If that makes you happy. It’s your choice.

THIRD PART

I guess you’re right. People’s happiness differs with each other. What makes you happy is to do the right thing.

I've got a simple life before, boring but not complicated. Now I know how it feels like to be happy. I know now how hard it is to be sad. Sometimes I wish that I’ve never would have met him.

Meeting him was probably the best thing that ever happened to you. You chose to let him go. Be strong, it’s possible that the pain won’t go.

I hope I’ll get used to it.

Nobody gets used to pain. You just learn to live with it. In time you’ll cope.

These lines are relevant to what I've experienced or I must say what I am experiencing. The first part defines who I am when I was still living a simple, boring life. Second part, was when I learned the truth. The third part, was when I made a decision. In the process I have my own Dr. Samuel Olfindo, my father, whom I can't hide the tears. Though I know it hurts him more than I do. Every time I feel like a cry baby , just a thought of what he always say "magpakatatag ka, lagi ka lang magdasal" makes me feel better somehow. At this age, I can still say that I'm a daddy's girl who always needs a cuddle to ease my pain. 

Traumatic

Before I left home to pick up Ana I thought of wearing a black shirt to camouflage my black leader body bag in case something awful will happen. I don’t know why I thought that way before leaving home late last night. I never had any idea why the thought of being held up crossed my mind. I rode an FX on the way to our meeting place, at exactly 12:30am I left home as soon as I can so I can meet up with Ana. I arrived about 20 minutes earlier at the terminal. I saw her with a huge bag, that was how prepared she was for our sleepover. I gave her a hug as soon as she approached me and we headed to the jeepney stop instead of waiting at the FX terminal. Because it has been a long time since we've seen each other we chatted as we were waiting for a ride. Finally, an empty UV Express stopped to give us a ride. We were the first passengers to ride that vehicle, we sat beside the driver; the front passenger seat was too narrow for the two of us so I asked Ana if she wanted to transfer at the back row but she hesitated. In awhile, the driver stopped to pick up passengers among those two men who rode I can only recall how the other man threw his cigarette before riding. Those two sat behind the driver. Ana acted strange and whispered “Jay, parang nakakatakot naman yung FX na to” I calm her down and asked her to continue what we were discussing about. Just after 10-15 minutes another passenger rode the FX, he sat at the back row seat. I was so busy listening to Ana that I didn’t even notice that the FX was full. I never had any suspicion that something bad will happen until we reached the long dark road on the way when the driver suddenly slow down. I heard the guy behind him saying something until he became agitated and shouted:

 “Dirediretso lang, wag kang hihinto”

“Huwag kang hihinto”

I can still remember kung paano ikinasa ni kuya yung baril nya then he pointed it to the driver beside us. That was the time when I froze and realized that we are being held up by those men.

“ilabas nyo ang mga wallet nyo, cellphone” “Akin na yung mga bag nyo”

I was blank that time staring straight at the windshield; I didn’t know what to do. I froze; I really froze that I can’t even move a muscle too afraid that those guys might shoot us. I can’t even follow what they commanded us to do. All I can do is to let my mind speak these words time after time:

“Lord, tulungan nyo po kame.”

Consequently, I chant those words in my mind as my heart was pounding. I thought they wouldn’t notice my sling bag until the man who cocked the gun shouted at me:

“Akin na yang bag mo!”

He grabbed my bag from behind since I can’t move.  I didn’t protest for I wanted that scene to end and let those guys take the valuable things in exchange of my life. Though I was still frightened ‘cause the young couple sitting at the back row contested to get their things back. But no matter how I wanted to tell them to just give ‘em up, thinking what if the hold-uppers get mad and pull the trigger, I can’t speak.

This experience was very traumatic, what if Ana got hurt? What if that tragic moment end our lives? I left home late that night without anyone’s notice. I didn’t even say goodbye to my parents. I can only say how much love God have given me, because he did not let those people hurt us. Thank you Lord for you gave me another chance to live. Thank you that Ana and the others were safe. I won’t give any suspicion to the driver for I know that justice will prevail in God's hands. Thank you Lord, I love you.

when all you can do is . . . smile

People think they know you. They think they know how you’re handling a situation. But the truth is no one knows. No one knows what happens after you leave them, when you’re lying in bed or sitting over your breakfast alone and all you want to do is cry or scream. They don’t know what’s going on inside your head — the mind-numbing cocktail of anger and sadness and guilt. This isn’t their fault. They just don’t know. And so they pretend and they say you’re doing great when you’re really not. And this makes everyone feel better. Everybody but you. And all you can do is . . . smile

 *re-post

FINAL-ly

I've been wanting to know the title of this song for how many years until I've given up. I never thought that I'll be able to find this song now that I can relate again. It really makes sense. 

Credits from t h e N O T c r a c k

http://thenotcrack.blogspot.com/2009/04/that-break-up-song.html

patience

Only HE knows what's best

woke up from being buried

It's been a long time since I had a night out with friends. Last night, I really had a great time with my colleagues who joined me with no hesitation though the weather was bad. Thank you guys! Thank you! I never had this fun since I buried myself in gloom for countless days. Everything was fun! From those kulitan moments inside the car when they tried to impersonate the Harvard Baseball team from dancing “Call me maybe” till we continued laughing and dancing at Kuwagos Grill. And when we took pictures when we went back at the office while we were so tipsy, went to the Rest room and stayed with lights off, that was awesome and crazy. Though we missed the chance to use the videoke room at the Grill, still it was a fun fulfilling night from starting slow to going so wild even when we were walking in the rain we found ourselves playing again with battling our umbrellas. The gals even walked me to the bus stop. Thank you!

Just because we’re not given an opportunity to use that Videoke room doesn’t mean I will give up XD. I feel more willing to sing this time, I will sing along with the raindrops. Angel Of Mine, Changes, I’ll Be Over You, I Don’t Have A Heart, Please Don't Ask Me and more oldies song. And this one, which is my all time favorite Videoke song by The Jets “Make it real”. I feel like a DJ now :)

♪ ♪ ♫ ♫ ♪ ♪ Hear me cryin' out to you . . You said "Never, never would I leave" Here's a tear for me to you and maybe it will make you hear me . . I loved you, you didn't feel the same . . Though we're apart, you're in MY HEART give me one more chance to make it REAL  ♪ ♪ ♫ ♫ ♪ ♪

like a PILL

This one made me laugh to death! My effing melodramatic weeks were paid off. Every day you'll find reason to smile :) These guys are like a pill that cures me from being so addicted to my own brand of heroin.

repetitively INSPIRING

How come you still have faith? I mean, seems like everything I have faith in caused me nothing but trouble.

When God chose your kind as the object of His love, I was the first in all of heaven to bow down before you. My love, my hope for mankind was no less than His. But I have watched you trample that gift. I have watched you kill each other over race and greed... waging war over dust and rubble and the words in old books. And yet, in the midst of all this darkness, I see some people who will not be bowed. I see some people who will not give up, even when they know all hope is lost. Some people, who realize being lost is so close to being found. I see you, Jeep. Fifteen years old, your mother leaves. Your father withdraws from the world and you spend the next five years of your young life helping him find his way home. You love a woman who bears the child of another and you love her with no thought of yourself, even though you know she may never love you the way you love her. You, Jeep... you are the reason I still have faith.

Hey. You ain't got nothing to be ashamed of. You hear me, son?
Not everybody can play the hero. Especially when it comes to pulling the trigger.

The last time God lost faith in man he sent a flood. This time, he sent what you see outside. Those things are just vessels. They’re possessed. The weakest willed are the easiest to turn.

Well the truth, I’m afraid, is never that simple

You think you can defy Him and not pay the price? The child lives. It doesn’t matter what happens to me

Yours is a fool’s sacrifice, Michael.
You wanted to live like them. Now you die like one of them. 

This is one of the reasons why I never get sick of watching LEGION. The scriptures made me fall in love with the movie. Those lines that are remarkably leaving such good lesson about faith and hope amidst all the burden and strain we have. Though others say how odd this movie was, I really think that this is one of the best movies I’ve watched so far. And whenever I feel like I am lost in nowhere I make sure to remember every lesson I got from here. Besides, there's no harm in believing that archangels like Michael do exist.

LIVE and be ALIVE

There may be times when it seems that everything is uneven. There are times when it seems that everybody bluffs on you, but that doesn’t mean life will always be that way. Maybe we’re just lacking some encouragement, or maybe just forgetting something. Every heartbreaking moment should be an opportunity to be more hopeful. We just have to be patient, besides there is always SOMEONE who sees everything. Just live and be alive.

This is another good music to inspire every broken soul, something that can lift up every downfall moment of life. “Kaya mo pa Mary, kaya mo pa!”. This is a message i can impart to myself, to you, and to everyone who needs encouragement.

We can't change the things,

That we done that's in the past.

But fighting won't get us anyway.

So if you want, then here's my hand

You're on my mind more than I may sure

You're in my heart more than you may know

Every night there is one thing I do

I bow my head and I pray for you (pray for you)

And the last thing that I want,

Is to you to fall apart.

To you I will be clearer,

I want you to remember.

You're much more than a struggle that you go through

You're not defined by your pain, so let it go

You' re not a victim,

you're more like a winner

And you're not defeat

you' e more like a queen

time is precious

Savor each time you spend with people who ease the stress in you. Counting the 6 days, 13 hours, and 20 minutes of no talk cannot compare to every nanosecond I spent laughing with someone I think I miss so bad from those days, hours, and minutes that passed.

Jay Sean fever: Maybe I Miss YOU

"Maybe"

Beep, beep on

Now there goes my phone

And once again

I’m just hoping it’s a text from you

It ain’t right

Read your messages twice, thrice, four times a night it’s true

Everyday I patiently wait

Feeling like a fool but I do anyway

Nothing can feel as sweet and as real

Coz no way I would’ve waited in pain

And maybe it’s true I’m caught up on you

Maybe there’s a chance you’re stuck on me too

Maybe I’m wrong it’s all in my head

Maybe we're afraid of words we both hadn’t said 

I’m always connected online

Turn facebook/myspace all the time 

Hoping you've checked my profile

Just can't help wondering why you play it cool

But sometimes I’m hopelessly falling for you

Every night on the phone and I

In love with you and I know that you like it girl

All joking inside lets see you and I

Come out and say what you’re trying to hide

Like I really want you

I think I need you

Maybe I miss you

I’m thinking of you

Like I really want you

I think I need you

Maybe I miss you

I’m thinking of you 

priceLESS

I am a certified hard headed child. I have a lot of bad habits; cigarette, alcohol, and staying up all night doing nothing. I rarely take advises, I rather do things my own way regardless of the consequences it may give me. These are my flaws, making others misunderstood what kind of outlook I have about life. There are people who may get tired in understanding this imperfect part of me. But there is someone, whom I know will never ever give up, giving all considerations, someone who untiringly understands me apart from God. She is someone who has always been there beside me. She is someone who never takes her eyes off me. Someone who knows best, letting me do things that can make me stronger and better. Someone steadfast, watching me learn things on my own. 

She’s my Mother. Others may think that I am such a disappointment but her selfless love and care despite of my wrong doings makes me feel that I am the damn best thing! She never know how blessed I feel to have a mother like her. Nay, thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for understanding me. Thank you for encouraging me whenever I feel like a crybaby. I love you Nanay, a slice of cake for you with much love and care. This may be the cheapest gift I have given you but your smile made it look like the most priceless gift ever.