i was terrified

Song MEANING: 

its more about holding back, confused to love but wanted to. 

I am terrified. Its about falling in love and being sure that it will be the "first and last" time. The person is terrified ofthe feeling because she doesn't know what to do. "you set it again, my heart's in motion" is what the person feels everytime she talks to the love of her life."watching the shadows burning in the dark", all her problems turn to dust everytime she sees her love. "Nothing's worse than you holding back" nothing could go wrong as long as he doesn't hold back his feelings for her. She finally came out to show her love and is terrified of whatevr's going to happen. " So don't you doubt what I've been dreaming", the guy maybe doubting her of what she told, he doesn't trust her that much but she tells that sheonly " mean 'cause it's true." I'm terrified myself.:D JDEG

This song, I can say is one of the OST of my own movie (MY Life). It keeps playing along with my current episode. It just happened that when I was so gloomy about the person I am desperate to know well, someone unexpectedly caught my attention and I was given a chance to get his heed too.  At first he showed interests and efforts in getting to know me more that it made me assume”he likes me!” We exchanged laughs, petty quarrels, falling out, and days of understanding, still counting. I always wonder how he altered my emotions from the last guy I cried for (well I can still think of him but I feel no shudders anymore); maybe he is just too good enough in making me feel special in a way that I wouldn’t have any self-interest towards him. But I admit at some time I desired to be his girl. For the first time, I fell in love. I learned many things from him; patience, respect, appreciation, living life to the fullest, consideration, to sacrifice, and acceptance. He made me a better person somehow; I learn how far I can go for love’s sake. I discover so many things about me; I was able to know myself better. I fell in love for what he has done for me. His efforts every time he drops by at the office off to and from work. For his patience in waiting every time we meet up. By the countless times that he called me just to hear my voice and to wake me up every day for my shift. By the way he stares at me whenever we get closer. By the way he watch my gestures whenever we are together especially when we watched movies. By the way he paid attention with every details of my humanity. By the way he considers and understands my mood swings. I became weak whenever he shows his tenderness. By the way he sends his felicitation when he has gone far away. For every penny he spent in calling from overseas that is really undeniably making me fall for him. But I held back for the reason that I discovered something to oppose my emotions; I really felt that the feeling is mutual but the timing was very unbecoming. I discover something that he may not tell directly but his actions made me confirm what the real deal is (it is more of reading between the lines). I can’t blame him from keeping things from me. I understand that not at all times a friend would tell you every single detail of his being especially if you started from showing your desires for each other. I forgive him the way I forgive myself ‘coz both of us are sinners XD

I admit I’m in Love but I am terrified for so many reasons. For the reason that "what we are now" may change; that I may get rejected; I may not be able to converse with him liberally; that we may feel queer with each other. And if worse comes to worst I may lose a friend so dearly close to my heart.

This song may probably one of the songs I will hear whenever  I think of him until I move forward to the next episode of my life. Right now I can only tell that I am in love for the first time unreservedly, still waiting for that chance to have my very last.